Thanksgiving has passed and Christmas is less than a month away which also means it it getting colder and winter will officially begin. Of course the hazardous part of the winter season already started before Thanksgiving, snow/ice. Having more snow and ice used to be a good thing when I was a kid as it was usually a ticket towards a day off from school, that was of course before I had to drive in it and had to worry about paying. Now of course as an adult on the spectrum living on my own, the winter season provides it's own set of challenges. Wintry weather is an unpredictable force that can derail plans at any time and can make traveling a dangerous task. It can make going to work a difficult venture or prevent me from going to work altogether, all this at a moment's notice without any rhyme or reason.
This can cause all sorts of issues for someone like me on the Autism Spectrum. It relates to subjects of previous posts. It relates to the steady stream of stressors (ironically) since there is the constant threat of winter weather derailing any plans I may have otherwise had, including whether or not I will be able to work and earn more money. It also relates to The Order of Things as such a constant threat to disrupt any plans that I may have, the constant threat might as well be part of the Order of Things in of itself. It is the unpredictability that can make winter hair-raising and as snowfall from the previous winter streched into Spring and almost into April, the next few months are going to be difficult as my weekly routine will serve to receive a multitude of disruptions in the coming months for an unspecified amount of time.
When thinking about the weather, it is important to understand and prepare mentally for the winter weather. Preparing mentally for sudden changes can always help reduce the emotional response to a change in a plan. It also helps to have a suitable backup plan in case there is a weather related derailment in plans. It also helps to remember that the weather cannot be controlled and that it is better to see it as a naturally occuring event that happens rather than something to stress over. As December approaches, all that any of us can do is hope for the mildest winter, but prepare for the severest winter
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
The Rolling Snowball
Hello again readers and if you are reading this thank you for reading this post and any previous posts. Right now the leaves are falling off the trees and it's getting colder. Wearing longer sleeves is becoming more and more of a necessity. This of course means that snow is in the immediate future, the white stuff that everyone loves until they have to drive in it. In the spirit of dropping temperatures and the impending series of snowstorms that is coming, I would like to talk about rolling snowballs. You might ask what does a rolling snowball have to do with adult life, to which I will reply it is a metaphor for anxiety and perseveration. Once I get anxious about something, it is hard for me to let go of it, until topic of anxiety is addressed and gets better. Decrease in anxiety has primarily been outcome-based rather than coping-based, and it is like that for others as well. It is like a rolling snowball, once the snowball of worry gets rolling, it is hard to stop without an external force. Usually the best way to stop a rolling snowball of anxiety is for another person to use redirection or a reminder to calm down, which can make living independently/alone especially challenging since there is no other person, no external force to stop the snowball.
One thing I think can be helpful when living alone is to talk with a go-to person/someone you trust. It can be a parent over the phone or someone else. They can usually talk things out and put your mind to ease and also redirect you from your worries. Additionally, putting your worry in a more positive frame of reference can be helpful. This can reduce your penchant for worry by taking a more positive frame of mind. Finally, distracting yourself is another great way to reduce your worry. By distract yourself I mean entertain yourself, whether it is by watching something funny or going out and doing what you want to do. This can distract you from your worries and add some much needed enjoyment. Overall though it can be difficult taking your mind off worry and it is easy for someone on the Spectrum to get stuck and perseverate
One thing I think can be helpful when living alone is to talk with a go-to person/someone you trust. It can be a parent over the phone or someone else. They can usually talk things out and put your mind to ease and also redirect you from your worries. Additionally, putting your worry in a more positive frame of reference can be helpful. This can reduce your penchant for worry by taking a more positive frame of mind. Finally, distracting yourself is another great way to reduce your worry. By distract yourself I mean entertain yourself, whether it is by watching something funny or going out and doing what you want to do. This can distract you from your worries and add some much needed enjoyment. Overall though it can be difficult taking your mind off worry and it is easy for someone on the Spectrum to get stuck and perseverate
Friday, October 12, 2018
The Difficulties of Moving Hours Away
Hello again readers, today I want to discuss the difficulties of moving hours away to live independently by yourself. Recently, I made a move 5 hours away from my hometown to live on my own for the first time, 5 hours away from family to an unfamiliar place. Prior to that, I relocated 4 hours from my hometown where I had previously lived my whole life to complete undergraduate work, before moving back home for grad school. There are numerous difficulties associated with moving hours away to a previously unexplored area, for anyone. Being on the spectrum can compound these difficulties. Here are three ways it can be difficult
1. Lack of familiarity: To someone like me with Autism, familiarity can be a great friend to someone on the spectrum. Familiarity breeds normalcy, order, and structure. In a new place, familiarity goes right out of the window, and you have to adjust to a new environment, a new routine, and pretty much a new everything. It is a learning period involving where everything is and how to get there and also what is available. It is an adjustment period, a process of trying to create a new order, a new sameness, a new familiarity
2. Unknown people: Fitting in to the lack of familiarity is a lack of familiar people. For someone with Autism, it is very difficult to enter a place where you do not know anybody. As someone on the spectrum, I can get comfortable talking to the various people I connect with and grow a comfort level with them. With those people gone, I find myself in the presence of new people I haven't met before. It is a challenge meeting new people as I do not have a comfort level with someone I just met, and as someone who has difficulty opening up, it can be difficult meeting new people and attempting to make connections.
3. Greater responsibility: You do not have to live 5 hours to have to make this adjustment. When transitioning from living with parental figures to living on your own, you take on more responsibilities. I had to make the full transition to being responsible for my own bills, cooking my own food, and running to the store to get what I need. It becomes difficult because it adds more stuff for me to do. It is a new routine that I have to adjust to
These are 3 general ways it can be difficult, 3 is not too big of a number, but they are 3 general reasons that cover a lot of ground and encompass a lot of the challenges one can expect to face. The good news however is that the more time you spend at a place, the more familiar you become with your new surroundings and status as an indepedent adult, and in time, a new familiarity develops. The biggest challenge is at the beginning where the adjustment period starts. Living in a new place becomes easier as the place you are living in becomes not as new
1. Lack of familiarity: To someone like me with Autism, familiarity can be a great friend to someone on the spectrum. Familiarity breeds normalcy, order, and structure. In a new place, familiarity goes right out of the window, and you have to adjust to a new environment, a new routine, and pretty much a new everything. It is a learning period involving where everything is and how to get there and also what is available. It is an adjustment period, a process of trying to create a new order, a new sameness, a new familiarity
2. Unknown people: Fitting in to the lack of familiarity is a lack of familiar people. For someone with Autism, it is very difficult to enter a place where you do not know anybody. As someone on the spectrum, I can get comfortable talking to the various people I connect with and grow a comfort level with them. With those people gone, I find myself in the presence of new people I haven't met before. It is a challenge meeting new people as I do not have a comfort level with someone I just met, and as someone who has difficulty opening up, it can be difficult meeting new people and attempting to make connections.
3. Greater responsibility: You do not have to live 5 hours to have to make this adjustment. When transitioning from living with parental figures to living on your own, you take on more responsibilities. I had to make the full transition to being responsible for my own bills, cooking my own food, and running to the store to get what I need. It becomes difficult because it adds more stuff for me to do. It is a new routine that I have to adjust to
These are 3 general ways it can be difficult, 3 is not too big of a number, but they are 3 general reasons that cover a lot of ground and encompass a lot of the challenges one can expect to face. The good news however is that the more time you spend at a place, the more familiar you become with your new surroundings and status as an indepedent adult, and in time, a new familiarity develops. The biggest challenge is at the beginning where the adjustment period starts. Living in a new place becomes easier as the place you are living in becomes not as new
Thursday, September 27, 2018
The Order of Things vs The Real World
Hello readers and the thing that I will talk about next is the Order of Things. To me, the Order of Things is the expectations about what is supposed to happen and at what point it is supposed to happen. The Order of Things can be appropriately described as a construct, a construct of what is supposed to be according to my autistic mind. Part of how I construct the world from my point of view is rules, rules that govern how I feel it should run. The Order of Things and the rules that make it up help bring a sense of predictability to my world. Predictability is important to me as predictability breeds a sense of comfort.
Unfortunately, there is a conflict between the Order of Things and the Real World. It is an unfortunate fact that the Real World is unpredictable and outside influences are not bound by the Order of Things. I try the best I can to find predictability anywhere I can and apply it to my Order of Things, but often times, even the closest thing to predictability has exceptions and unexpected curve balls/breaks from the norm, making even the most predictable of events not completely and 100% predictable. Weather is one example off the top of my head. There are expected patterns that we can gather from weather, but we all know weather doesn't follow these specifics patterns and can be quite the unpredictable force. We don't expect snow in April, but it has happened. We don't expect thunderstorms in November, but I have seen that occur. The weatherman can predict a giant snowstorm to occur tomorrow, only for tomorrow to arrive with green grass and black road. As someone who likes predictability and gets anxiety over lack of control and the fear of the unknown, it can make living in the real world difficult and give me even more anxiety.
So the question one would ask is, how is it that I adapt to the world around me? The main thing that I have learned is to expect the unexpected. Expect surprises, be alert that a monkey wrench may be thrown into my plans. Know that unpredictability is ironically one of the biggest certainties in this crazy world. I have learned through experience that the more I expect one thing to occur that doesn't end up happening, the more stress inducing the change can be and the more I have to adjust my mind to the changes, which itself can cause a lot of stress. Life's unpredictability can bring great challenges to an individual on the Autism Spectrum and the Order of Things
Unfortunately, there is a conflict between the Order of Things and the Real World. It is an unfortunate fact that the Real World is unpredictable and outside influences are not bound by the Order of Things. I try the best I can to find predictability anywhere I can and apply it to my Order of Things, but often times, even the closest thing to predictability has exceptions and unexpected curve balls/breaks from the norm, making even the most predictable of events not completely and 100% predictable. Weather is one example off the top of my head. There are expected patterns that we can gather from weather, but we all know weather doesn't follow these specifics patterns and can be quite the unpredictable force. We don't expect snow in April, but it has happened. We don't expect thunderstorms in November, but I have seen that occur. The weatherman can predict a giant snowstorm to occur tomorrow, only for tomorrow to arrive with green grass and black road. As someone who likes predictability and gets anxiety over lack of control and the fear of the unknown, it can make living in the real world difficult and give me even more anxiety.
So the question one would ask is, how is it that I adapt to the world around me? The main thing that I have learned is to expect the unexpected. Expect surprises, be alert that a monkey wrench may be thrown into my plans. Know that unpredictability is ironically one of the biggest certainties in this crazy world. I have learned through experience that the more I expect one thing to occur that doesn't end up happening, the more stress inducing the change can be and the more I have to adjust my mind to the changes, which itself can cause a lot of stress. Life's unpredictability can bring great challenges to an individual on the Autism Spectrum and the Order of Things
Sunday, September 16, 2018
The Steady Stream of Stressors
Hello readers and welcome to another one of my posts. Today I want to talk about the steady stream of stressors. Normally hearing the sound of water from a stream running would be relaxing, however there really is nothing relaxing about what is running from the stream of stressors. To me the steady stream of stressors is a phrase used to describe my observation from living as an adult in college and post-Masters that there always seems to be at least one stressor/obligation/responsibility to worry about completing/address/take care of. These stressors can include (but not be limited to) work responsibilites, errands, bills to pay, and for college/grad school, responsibilities related to school. It appears as if there is always something I need to handle. These stressors always seem to be coming at a rate similar to a stream, and just like a stream, the stressors do not stop. This is part of what I feel makes living in the adult world a challenge, the idea of needing to be on your toes in order to take care of everything and be successful. It can be stressing as the seemingly constant barrage of responsibilities and obligations can make it difficult to relax sometimes and unwind mentally. It can be even more difficult when I feel as if I have more obligations than time to complete them. College and Grad School in particular is a prime setting event for this kind of feeling.
I know internally speaking, I can feel frazzled by all the demands and obligations, especially if I appear to have a lot to complete in only a limited amount of time. The sudden appearance of an obligation that I have to get done in only a short amount of time (such as an assignment due tomorrow that I forgot about) can lead to a heigtened sense of anxiety. Living on my own having to manage all of these stressors only adds to this. Additionally, my tendency towards anxiety can evoke stress from even smaller and easier responsibilities that others would not get stressed over. Often times I find myself taking breaks or time to wind down, really out of neccessity to give myself a mental breather, and I think this is necessary for others to do as well in order to not stress themselves out too much. The stream of stressors perfectly illustrates the constant challenge of living in the adult world, a major challenge, that is made up of many individual challenges that pop up in succession
I know internally speaking, I can feel frazzled by all the demands and obligations, especially if I appear to have a lot to complete in only a limited amount of time. The sudden appearance of an obligation that I have to get done in only a short amount of time (such as an assignment due tomorrow that I forgot about) can lead to a heigtened sense of anxiety. Living on my own having to manage all of these stressors only adds to this. Additionally, my tendency towards anxiety can evoke stress from even smaller and easier responsibilities that others would not get stressed over. Often times I find myself taking breaks or time to wind down, really out of neccessity to give myself a mental breather, and I think this is necessary for others to do as well in order to not stress themselves out too much. The stream of stressors perfectly illustrates the constant challenge of living in the adult world, a major challenge, that is made up of many individual challenges that pop up in succession
Thursday, September 6, 2018
The 2 obstacles (part 2)
Hello readers and welcome again to another one of my blog posts. This is part 2 of my 2 part blog post discussing my 2 big obstacles that I as an adult on the spectrum face and must overcome to be successful. The first part I discussed social skills deficits and how that is an issue for me and others on the Spectrum. The second part, I will discuss anxiety and how that can affect me as a person on the spectrum.
While social skills deficits may not be relatable to all of us, certainly anxiety is. We all experience it, we all suffer through it. Anxiety can be a normal reaction to a perceived threat. However, for individuals like me on the Autism Spectrum, anxiety can be more than just a natural reaction to certain events, anxiety can occur at excessive rates and the perceived threat can appear trivial and unworthy of being anxious over. I certainly am one of those individuals as anxiety has always been a problematic issue for me. The issue for me with anxiety has always been a lack of certainty, the fear of the unknown. Not knowing the outcome has always made me anxious, though knowing it may not work out in my favor has always given me a sustained level of anxiety until I knew the outcome. This is what I call anticipatory anxiety, anticipating a threatening event or possible negative outcome, and it is driven by my need for certainty. Digging further my anticipatory anxiety and anxiety over lack of certainty stems first and foremost by the anxiety invoked by a lack of control. If I have no control over a situation, or if there is not a routine that I can depend on, then it can invoke a sense of worry which then feeds into the fear of the unknown.
The challenges dealing with my anxiety can bleed into work. I sometimes tend to worry about things while I am working as there may be another issue pending that I am stressed about. This can include having anticipatory anxiety of a future event/something that I am currently worried about and am eager to resolve to relieve stress. This can be an issue going back to lack of social skills in that my body language may convey that I am neither present in the moment nor warm and welcoming. The challenge becomes managing my anxiety in a more constructive way while dealing with the numerous stressors related to the adult world as so far as an adult, I have been bombarded with stressors and will continue to be bombarded with them
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
The 2 obstacles (part 1)
Hello readers and welcome back to my blog. For this, I am going to publish a two-part blog (spanning two posts) about 2 obstacles that I have to overcome that magnify the difficulties of adult living as a person on the Autism Spectrum. The 2 obstacles that I have to overcome are social skills deficits and anxiety.
First, I want to talk about social skills deficit and how it can hinder independent living for adults on the Autism Spectrum. Social skills involves interpersonal communication and interactions with other people. Aspects of social skills can be both verbal and non-verbal. It is how the human race builds connections with each other, both professionally and non-professionally. For the neurotypical population, social skills comes easy. People can talk and make connections with each other rather easily. For those on the spectrum however, social skills can be difficult in both a verbal and non-verbal sense. Struggles can occur in the messages they send both through talking and from what they convey with their body language. A lot of the times, I struggle with talking with others and maintaining conversations with others as well as integrating socialization into a work setting. Sometimes, I choose to focus on work while at work over socialization. Non-verbal communication/messaging is another social skills deficit, struggling with making sure I am not sending out unfriendly vibes/negative overtones when I am not speaking to others. My struggles with this are not unique in among the population as these kind of issues are the reason for so many social skills classes targeted at kids on the Spectrum so they can learn these young.
Social skills deficits can cause lots of work related issues. Interpersonal communication is likely to be a part of any job, whether it is with a consumer, a colleague, or a supervisor. A lack of these social skills communications can lead to issues such as saying something inappropriate or making the consumer uncomfortable with you. For example, as someone who works with clients, lack of social skills can make a client not want to continue with the services I am providing, and it can cause me to lose hours and reflect poorly on both me individually and on the company in general. It can also hurt in obtaining a job as social skills deficits being put on display can hurt chances in a job interview as well. So, one of my great obstacles is social skills deficit and overcoming them so I can help maintain jobs and make myself more marketable to those I encounter in the work setting.
First, I want to talk about social skills deficit and how it can hinder independent living for adults on the Autism Spectrum. Social skills involves interpersonal communication and interactions with other people. Aspects of social skills can be both verbal and non-verbal. It is how the human race builds connections with each other, both professionally and non-professionally. For the neurotypical population, social skills comes easy. People can talk and make connections with each other rather easily. For those on the spectrum however, social skills can be difficult in both a verbal and non-verbal sense. Struggles can occur in the messages they send both through talking and from what they convey with their body language. A lot of the times, I struggle with talking with others and maintaining conversations with others as well as integrating socialization into a work setting. Sometimes, I choose to focus on work while at work over socialization. Non-verbal communication/messaging is another social skills deficit, struggling with making sure I am not sending out unfriendly vibes/negative overtones when I am not speaking to others. My struggles with this are not unique in among the population as these kind of issues are the reason for so many social skills classes targeted at kids on the Spectrum so they can learn these young.
Social skills deficits can cause lots of work related issues. Interpersonal communication is likely to be a part of any job, whether it is with a consumer, a colleague, or a supervisor. A lack of these social skills communications can lead to issues such as saying something inappropriate or making the consumer uncomfortable with you. For example, as someone who works with clients, lack of social skills can make a client not want to continue with the services I am providing, and it can cause me to lose hours and reflect poorly on both me individually and on the company in general. It can also hurt in obtaining a job as social skills deficits being put on display can hurt chances in a job interview as well. So, one of my great obstacles is social skills deficit and overcoming them so I can help maintain jobs and make myself more marketable to those I encounter in the work setting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)